Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize