Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
