I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
