no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
