I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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