you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
