I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
