It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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