Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
