the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
