I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
