I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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