I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
