we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
