me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
