ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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