there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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