I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize