My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
