Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize