omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
