Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
