I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
