i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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