My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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