I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
