We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
