god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are all done wearing pants today
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
