Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
