1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
