Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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