I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
