sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
