The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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