He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
