In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
