You work out of a Hotel?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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