you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
