and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
