The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
