he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
