My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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