she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
