He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
