trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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