Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't notice because vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize