Your face is a jimmy john
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
