just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
