I need to stop coming to work sober
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
