I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
