In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize