life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
