We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
