so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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