why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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