yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
