We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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