Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize