I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
