she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
