I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
