I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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