Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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