ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
