i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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