he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize