Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
