Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
