Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
