So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Farmville is her only friend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
